Love in the Time of Pokemon

Writer Ed Peters | March 3, 2017

It is not true that people stop pursuing dreams because they grow old, they grow old because they stop pursuing dreams.” So said Colombian author Gabriel Garcia Marquez, best known for his engaging romantic novel, Love in the Time of Cholera.

Three decades on from its publication, the world’s undergone a technological revolution, and anyone in search of a dream romance soon finds that they are looking for love in the time of an epidemic called Pokemon.

Taking a Gamble

The human race has flipped from boy meets girl to boy tweets girl, and vice versa. The rabbit warren that is Tinder challenges straightforward human tenderness. Forget that moment of looking deeply into someone’s eyes – attention spans are hijacked by WhatsApp. It’s all too easy to ‘heart’ something on social media, but what about what used to be called Lonely Hearts? As Tina Turner warbled so plaintively (and memorably): What’s Love Got to Do with It?

Examples of the great millennial digital quandary are legion. Christine Retschlag set up a travel, dating and sex blog called The Global Goddess: A Single Woman’s Journey (theglobalgoddess.com) after she found herself suddenly single following a long-term relationship having relocated from Singapore to Brisbane, Australia.

Having only ever dated the old-fashioned way – meeting someone in person and speaking to them face-to-face – she is often bemused, and sometimes disturbed, at the online dating culture.

“It took me a long time to embrace the concept of Internet dating because when it first came out, there was a huge taboo surrounding it,” says Retschlag.

“But over the years, Internet dating’s become mainstream and almost considered the norm in how we meet people. Many of us now live alone, possibly work for ourselves, and travel a lot, so traditional ways of meeting people are not so readily available.”

Retschlag found that the responses to her WLTM posts caused her to exclaim “WTF” more often than not.

“It’s been an eye-opener,” she says, with more than a hint of understatement.

“Unfortunately, and research supports this, the perceived availability of people online sets up a kind of gambling mentality. It creates a ‘dopamine response’ so you are always looking for the next best thing and are not content with the person in front of you. I can only speak from the point of view of a woman seeking a man for a relationship, but I find this particular ‘throwaway’ concept rife among men on these sites.

“The other issue is that while someone can ‘tick all the boxes’, the one thing online dating cannot replace is chemistry and I think that’s the most important thing of all that is overlooked in this digital process.”

Positive Progress

From being a fringe activity seen as the last recourse of the ill-fortuned and ill-favoured, online dating is moving closer to an accepted pattern of life. In wired societies, surveys indicate that around 15 per cent of single adults regularly use online dating sites or mobile dating apps.

Having examined the phenomenon extensively, Aaron Smith and Monica Anderson at the Pew Research Centre, a non-partisan ‘fact tank’ based in Washington DC, reported that attitudes to online dating have grown more positive.

“When we first studied online dating habits in 2005, most respondents had little exposure to online dating or to the people who used it, and they tended to view it as a subpar way of meeting people,” says Smith, who is an associate director at Pew.

“Today, nearly half of the public knows someone who has met a spouse or partner via online dating – and attitudes toward online dating have grown progressively more positive.”

The joint research also indicated that online dating has increased swiftly among under-25s as well as those in their late 50s and early 60s, which is a logical development given that many people close to retiring age may lack the social opportunities, or simply be too reticent, to hook up with a potential partner.

But significantly, roughly a third of online daters have never actually gone on a date with someone they met via the Internet.

“If you haven’t found quite what you’re looking for on an online dating site, you aren’t alone,” notes Anderson, who specialises in research on the Internet, science and technology.

Other findings included the information that a fifth of daters had asked someone else to help them with their profile, while five per cent of those surveyed who are either married or living together said they met their significant other thanks to the efforts of ‘e-Cupid’.

There is a time to be present with your partner rather to be continually distracted with other conversations
~ Nicholas Harris